I'm scared of what I'm doing. I'm scared of making the wrong decision. I'm scared of having the wrong decision made for me. I'm scared of letting the wrong decision be made for me.

The summer ended with not as much of a bang as I was hoping for. But there were some amazing highlights during it. Many many fun waves, surfed a lot this summer, despite it being smaller than I expected. Something about El Nino I hear.

I can't really believe that my time at this home is coming to an end. Never have I ever felt so connected to a place. Leaving also doesn't feel like just a departure, but a resignation in a way.

There are so many things to be excited about in the Netherlands. I'm excited to learn a new language. I'm excited to experience a different culture, and I hope to get a masters there, picking back up on mathematics (and Lean).

I'm scared of being inadequate among other math peers. I'm scared of not making as much money as before, and therefore being financially left behind and somehow unable to return to the US if I want to. I am scared of not enjoying it.

I'm scared of wanting to leave.

Deep down I think I know I want to permanently be in Hawaii. I'm scared of spending the last 3-4 years of my 20s not surfing. I'm scared of becoming less agile with age. I'm scared that I've surfed my largest wave already.

I try not to let a wave go unridden, but also try to remind myself that another one is coming.